


bruised & burned & somehow intact

by smads



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Im new here, but I’m not sorry, but there is profound sadness, hi, im a mfing angst goblin, jk there’s no sex, the sadness stays ON during sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25100968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smads/pseuds/smads
Summary: In which Elliott visits his mother, and that doesn’t go so well.
Relationships: Mirage | Elliott Witt/Wraith | Renee Blasey
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	bruised & burned & somehow intact

”Name?”

_”Elliott. Witt.” He cleared his throat.  
_

_“And who are you here to see?” the nurse didn’t even look up from the computer at him.  
  
_

_“Evelyn Witt. My mother. She, uh, d-didn’t know I was coming.” His stutter was always worse when he was nervous. His cheeks flushed a bit. The nurse lowered her glasses down on her nose and stood up.  
  
_

_“I’ll take you to her room.”_

_He followed slowly behind her, dragging his feet.  
_

_“When was the last time you saw your mother, Elliott?”_

_He thought. He actually couldn’t remember. He had talked to her about two weeks ago, before she stopped taking his calls.  
_

_“Uh, ha,” he chuckled nervously, “it’s, ah, been a while.”_

_She smiled softly and turned to face him, stopping outside of a patient room._

_”I’ll warn you, she’s had some bad days. She probably isn’t like you remember.”_

_That is what he was afraid of. He nodded slowly, blinking back the grief that crashes over him. His mother was all he really had left. He was suddenly hyper aware of the dog tags hanging around his neck, pressed against his sternum. His brothers had been MIA for years._

_”This is her room,” the nurse opened the door, touching his arm, “we have grief counselors on site if you—“_

_”I’ll be fine.” Elliott quipped, giving her a classic, albeit small, charming smile. He closed the door behind him._

_“Hi, mom.”  
_

_Evelyn startled. He put his hands up in front of him in defense.  
_

_“It’s just me, mama. It’s—“_

_  
She touched his face fondly.  
  
_

_“Daniel...”_

_He kissed her hand and fought to swallow the lump in his throat. Daniel was his eldest brother. She always said Elliott could’ve been his twin._

_”Yeah,” he smiled wryly, eyes glimmering with sadness, “how are you, mom?”_

_”I don’t know where I am. Are you—are you here to take me home?” She turned around, seemingly frantic and looking for anything she recognized._

_”I’m afraid I can’t take you home, mom, I just came to visit. Are you sleeping okay?”_

_She ignored his question.  
_

_“Have you heard from your brothers?”_

_”Uh,” he cleared his throat, “only Elliott. He said he’s good. He is really enjoying the games. He’s doing really well, actually! He said he hopes you’re proud of him.”_

_She seemed to ponder his statement, and for a long time, she said nothing._

_”Elliott...” she looked into his eyes, pleading, “he abandoned me. He should have been taking care of me while you were off fighting in the war. He should be here!” She hissed.  
_

_Suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t stand. His mother wasn’t 100% sold on him joining the games when he told her he was leaving, but it was the only way he saw to gain any intel on his brothers’ whereabouts—dead or alive. The money and fame would make people take him seriously. She knew that, and even understood when he explained himself to her.  
  
_

_He checked the time on his watch. He had hours before he had to be back at the compound, but he didn’t think her could bear to be here anymore._

_”I—I’m sorry, mom, I have to go.”_

_”Danny, no, please! Take me with you! Take me home! I hate it here!”  
_

_He called for a nurse as he backed out of the room. He was a terrible son for not staying with her, he thought, but he couldn’t handle it anymore. He felt like his chest was going to explode._

_——————————————_

He nursed his fifth beer and thought about that afternoon. His mother calling him “Daniel” replaying in his head on some sick sort of loop. He needed a better distraction than drunkenness. The bar was full of distractions of all shapes and sizes. Fucking a random fan was always the perfect bandaid to a bad day. Although, something in his gut told him maybe that wouldn’t work this time. He wasn’t even sad, necessarily, or, rather, he was so deeply sad he didn’t _feel_ sad anymore. He was angry. Angry with himself. Angry with the world. Angry with whoever was responsible for his brothers’ disappearance. Just angry. It was easier to be angry than sad. He knew this was part of grieving. He knew this day would come, when his mother wouldn’t know who he was. She drank for years after his brothers disappeared. She lost all desire to work on her tech, and when he took it over for her, she was so bitter that she hardly ever spoke to him. When she did, it was, nearly always, disdainfully. He went to the games to help her, but he could t deny that also joined to escape her. Escape his life. He should’ve just tried harder to love her through it, to get her the help she so obviously needed he failed her.   
  


Suddenly, a body was on the stool next to him. Wraith. Renee.   
  


”Hey,” she nudged his elbow. He didn’t look at her, instead, he fixed his eyes on his drink. Sipping down the last few drops of his beer, he slid off the stool.

”I’m actually just leaving. Sorry, ‘nee, we can talk tomorrow.”

She knew better. She knew her best friend. Even without the voices telling her to follow him, she knew him.   
  


“Wait, El, what the fuck—hold on!” She phased past him, putting a hand on his chest.

He rolled his eyes, grunting at the touch. He needed to distract himself, and quickly. He was coming undone, and he wanted to be by himself when it finally happened.

”Look, I’m just tired. I want to go to bed.”

His voice was rough, but soft. She traced his fine worry lines with her eyes.   
  


“Bed? It’s only 11pm. You haven’t even fucked a rando you found at the bar yet,” she joked, quickly realizing her mistake.

He didn’t laugh. 

“I just had a rough game today, alright? I don’t feel like talking about it. I want to sleep,” he slurred. The lie bubbled and burned at his throat. Lying was not something that worked with Wraith. One, she knew him almost better than he knew himself. Two, the voices saw right through him.

They reached the door to his dorm. He pulled out his keycard to unlock the door, but she touched his hand. He froze at the touch, thinking about how his mother touched his face. He shrugged off the feeling.

”Do you wanna watch a movie?” She asked, rubbing her thumb over the back of his hand gently. He struggled with his answer. Really, he wanted to be alone. But a distraction couldn’t hurt.

”Sure.”

Ten minutes into the film, and all he could think about was guilt. His head swam with alcohol and all of the better ways he could’ve helped his mother. Tears stung at his eyes but he blinked them back. 

Without thinking, and craving thoughts of anything else, he put his hand on the back of Renee’s neck and twirled a finger in her hair. He felt her response, goosebumps erupting on her skin.   
  


It’s not that neither of them had ever thought about it, in fact, they both had. Elliott had even pleasured himself to the thought of Renee. She was beautiful, and he was painfully aware of it.  
  


“Elliott, what the fuck are you doing?” she whispered. Her tone didn’t come across as threatening as she had wished. He ducked his head to her ear, heart thumping in his chest.

”I want you.”

Renee felt herself ignite. She had thought about Elliott often. Feeling him near her, inside her. She knew that this wasn’t reasonable, that something was bothering him, and that he was just using sex to avoid talking about it. She ignored the voice that told her not to. She leaned her face into his hand, planting a small kiss there.

”Are you sure?” she asked, moving to straddle his hips. His eyes drunk and glassy, he nodded.

”So sure.” His voice was strained.

He planted his hands on her hips and rocked her forward, trying to stimulate himself. He used one hand to tilt her chin down to his lips, kissing her gently. She deepened their kiss and placed her hands on either side of his face, and suddenly all he could feel were his mother’s hands.

He knew that Renee was something he wanted, but he couldn’t stop the silent tears that finally spilled from his eyes.

Renee pulled away.

”God damn it!” He stood abruptly, unintentionally tossing Renee to the side.

He threw the glass that was on the coffee table, shattering it against the wall.

Once she overcame her initial shock, and processed all that had just happened, Renee stood next to him, tentatively placing a hand on his back. He stood unmoving, repeatedly running a hand through his hair as more hot tears rolled down his face.   
  


“It’s all my fault. It’s my fault.” He repeated.

Renee pulled her arm the whole way around him now, snaking him into a hug and leading him back toward the sofa. Breaking against the pressure, he slumped into her, fully sobbing now.

She guided him back to the couch. His body trembled with grief, years of grief, taunting the one good thing he could’ve had.

”Elliott, hey, hey,” she pulled his face toward her, kissing his forehead, “hey. What’s this about?”

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to tell her without breaking down fully.

”You can tell me,” she soothed, stroking his hair, “you can tell me anything.”

”My mother,” his voice cracked, thick with alcohol and pain, “I saw her today. She thought I was Danny. She—she told me, well, Danny, that she thought I failed her by coming here. To the games.”

She softened, feeling his grief, “Oh, El, I—“

”She’s right, you know. I mean, fuck. I did abandon her. I ran away from the only,” he choked on a sob, “from the only person I had left. For what? Her to forget who I was in a year’s time? I fucking failed her, Wraith. I failed my family.”

She wrapped her arms around him tighter, “no, Elliott, you didn’t. Your mother made your life hell at home, right? She berated you every day. You told me the stories!”

Her defense of him made him want to kiss her again. He pressed his lips down on hers, hard. She froze.   
  


“No, Elliott, stop, please,” she begged between his fervent attempts to kiss away his own pain. As much as she wanted him, she knew it couldn’t happen like this.

”Please,” his voice broke, “please, ‘Nee, I want to think about something else.”   
  


Positioned on his hands and knees, he crawled towards her, kissing her neck and fumbling with her belt.

_”Fuck.”_

Her blood ran hot at his touch. The temptation to let him use her however he needed was overwhelming.   
  


She cupped his face in her hands, separating them.

”Please,” he cried. His red-rimmed brown eyes pleaded with her.

”Elliott, I want to. But not like this.”

His body heaved with a sob that filled up her senses, the whole room, with a tangible, heavy sadness. She couldn’t imagine how hard it was to shoulder a burden like that.

He collapsed down onto her, and she held him, whispering into his hair for what felt like hours. She didn’t know what to say. After all, what do you say to the person you love most who has lost all the people they love most? After a few hours, he fell asleep. The front of her shirt was soaked with Elliott’s pain and tears and saliva, the back balled into knots where his fists were.

She looked down at him, peaceful for the first time since she’d known him.

She gently traced her fingers up and down the scars on his back. His breathing changed and he propped himself up on one arm. He looked confused for a second, unsure of his whereabouts, then he sighed, half-hugging her with the arm still crooked under her body.

”’m sorry, Renee. I shouldn’t have burdened you like that with all my shit. And I’m really fucking sorry for coming onto you like I did.”

“Elliott, don’t you dare apologize.”

He smiled, his classic Elliott Witt smile that she loved so much. It was good to see his smile.

”Good to know you want me too, though,” he winked.

”Oh shut up, Witt.” She shoved him playfully, laughing and blushing.

”Really though, ‘Nee, thank you,” he paused, kissing her hand that was absently playing with his hair, “I love you.”

Her stomach lurched.

”Elliott, I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. I typed this on a phone and didn’t have a beta so y’know. We typo like men.  
> 2\. I am,, sorry, that was worse than I had it blocked out in my head.  
> 3\. sorry again for the angst, don’t mind me!


End file.
